Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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