dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
not ubering you a puppy
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we're so committed to being not committed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
