i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
