u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
