Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
