"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
