does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
