come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just gargled with NyQuil
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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