Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
