please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
