apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
