There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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