I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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