Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
