Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
