Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
