You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
