Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
