Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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