My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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