You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
