shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
