God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
no you cant smoke seaweed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
