is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
