What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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