You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
These tits shall not be calmed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
