Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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