you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
