Someone shit on the floor
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
MIDGETS
????
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
