She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
