More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
