FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
