we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
