I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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