it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
