Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
