I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
