you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
