Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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