Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
