Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're a waste of cheezeits
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
