Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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