just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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