DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
