I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
