i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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