unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
