he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
