It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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