I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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