I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
