Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
